Autofellatio

Tomorrow I am going on tour with Shinyribs.  You can check out the dates at:

http://shinyribs.org/shows.html

This is a tour of the South which is leading up to our appearance at Albino Skunk Music Festival.  I’ve heard that this is a great festival and I’m looking forward to playing it.  I stole the blog title from the hilariously named biography of James Maker.  I always feel a little bit like I’m stroking myself off when I promote my own shit.  One of my favorite singles of recent years is Maker’s Born That Way:

Are We Having Fun Yet?

Rain permeates the air
Like a shit mist
Headed to Oklahoma
A territory
That some confuse with a state
The Indian Tribes were marginalized there
(That’s a euphemism)
And replaced with the Pick-up Truck Tribe
If that’s progress
Then I am a Yeti
Much of life is perspective
I have heard many jokes
At Amarillo’s expense
But Amarillo feels like Paris in the ’20s
Once you have spent time in Oklahoma
I have a friend who spent time
In Uganda and Afghanistan
She said, “Afghanistan made Uganda
Look like the future.”
You get the idea
Yet there are good people here
As there are everywhere
If life teaches one anything
It is that stereotypes and assumptions
Will one day make you look the fool
Regardless,
I suppose someone might want to string me up
For writing these words
A stupid end to a meaningless life
Game on
Have at it
Are we having fun yet?

Why Comics are Self-Destructive and Other News

http://www.rollingstone.com/culture/features/comedians-depression-self-destructing-robin-williams-20140827

I thought the above article was an interesting read.  It’s by Dana Gould, in the wake of Robin Williams, and it is about why comics are so self-destructive.  

I’m between tours right now and am a little upside down.  I’ve been trying to think of topics to write about, but my focus is lacking.  Tomorrow the Shinyribs band heads on a three day run that starts Little Rock, Arkansas.  You can get details at http://www.shinyribs.org

I’ll also be performing my first solo show at Strange Brew in Austin, Texas on September 21st at 4pm.  More details to be announced soon!  

In the future when all’s well…

Jeff

It’s Only Tuesday I’m Afraid

The poets have been castrated
And now they just play for scraps
Meanwhile the golden child
Gets blown while going in the black

It’s grotesque and it’s insulting
It’s decadent and inhumane
But it’s only Tuesday
I’m afraid

The painters have all been hired
By the advertising agencies
To paint Vincent van Goghs
For the drug companies

It’s grotesque and it’s insulting
It’s decadent and inhumane
But it’s only Tuesday
I’m afraid

Some clown just ate a spider
Now they’re throwing him a parade
Some slut is crying for the camera
While swimming naked in champagne

It’s grotesque and it’s insulting
It’s decadent and inhumane
But it’s only Tuesday
I’m afraid

Having fun in Boise, Idaho 8/19/2014

End of Tour and Back to the Heat

 

I’m finally back in Austin after being on tour with Shinyribs in Texas, New Mexico, and Colorado.  Tomorrow I will resume my regular posting schedule.  It’s hotter than hell here, of which I have had a brief respite from in the last twelve days.  Here is one of my favorite bands, Marah, playing their song Long Hot Summer.  If you don’t know who they are I highly recommend that you check them out.  

Kindness as Defiance

I see death
At every bend in the river
In the peaks of mountains
Where nothing grows
And in the backstreets of the city
Yet despite this,
Given my own limitations
Of character and chemistry
Of which there are many,
I try my best to be kind
And to treat others with love
Not because I am afraid
Of what will happen
When I die
For I will not let fear dictate my life
But to spite and defy death
And if there is a God
Who allows such a cruel master
To lord over us here on earth
Then Him too

The Texas Highway 8/10/14

Tour Poetry Day 10: Shitcanned in So and So

Whenever I return home from a trip
And people ask me how it was
I tell them if it was good or not
Then I convey one or two humorous stories
And leave it at that
Most people are asking out of politeness
And don’t actually care how your trip was
As the character Kenny Powers once said:
“I went to space and back like Neil Armstrong
And no one gives a shit.”
If someone wants to know more
I let them lead me there
But even if they do indeed genuinely care
How do you tell them that the world
Is both bigger and smaller
More beautiful and insane
Then could possibly be described anyway?
You can drive from Canada to Texas in one day
Yet each home along the way
Possesses its own secret universe
The likes of which
We will mostly never know
There are junkyard artists and opera buffs
People full of humility, kindness, and intelligence
And others that seem to be channeling
Unique, one of a kind, supernatural information
That they obtained through head injuries, acid flashbacks
Or best of all
That old-timey religion
It takes all kinds
To make the world spin, spin, spin!

Back on the home front
When I do meet that rare curious individual
I will happily find myself
In an meaningful conversation
About what a strange, wonderful, frustrating, mysterious
World we live in
But most of the time at a party or bar
I just tell someone
About how I got shitcanned in so and so
While I tilt my drink back to a 90 degree angle
And await the oncoming blackout 

Denver, Colorado 8/9/14

Today is the last day of the Shinyribs tour.  We play in Amarillo tonight and then tomorrow we head back home.  I’ve enjoyed doing this little experiment, where I tried to write a poem for each day of the tour.  If it is something you like message me and please let me know.  I haven’t decided yet if this is going to be a regular feature or not when I’m touring.  It is both fun to challenge myself to come up with something every day, and convenient as it allows me to post more when I don’t have the time to write longer pieces.  However, one should always be careful of running an idea into the ground…